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Kel's Korner

KEL'S KORNER (click through to read)

Our resident blogger and dear friend Kel shares her life and the challenges she faces battling anxiety & depression as a woman, a mother and a wife.

LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE NOW  (click through to read)

We share a few simple tips on how you can start living your best life now.

A Sad Bully

A Sad Bully

A few years ago, I absolutely loved going to work. I enjoyed my job and all it entailed. And just because there wasn’t someone looking over my shoulder all the time, I can honestly say that I never took advantage of the relative independence my position allowed. Sure, there were the odd moments I wished I’d stayed in bed, but on the whole, I considered myself pretty lucky. I got along with the rest of the staff because I steered clear of gossip and never offered opinions about co-workers. I carried out my duties faithfully and kept my nose out of other peoples’ business.  One day, it all changed…

Now I’ve heard a lot of people say that every workplace has its bully but I never gave this much thought until it dawned upon me that I was in fact being bullied.  Nobody stole my lunch money or threatened to ‘beat me up’ but there was one woman who suddenly took a dislike to me. Let’s call her ‘Linda”.  Linda took her job seriously and her gossip and bad-mouthing activities more so. I’d be hard pressed to recall a work day when she didn’t criticise someone or pass judgement on someone else. And Linda never made mistakes, only other people make mistakes. When she started listing faults with the big boss one morning, telling me why she was so incompetent, I thought she’d go on all day until I interjected.  I pointed out to Linda that perhaps she would be happier working somewhere else with less people to upset her.  I got the cold shoulder until the following Monday. That’s right, Linda could not take criticism and loathed anybody contradicting her.

What about the bullying? As I mentioned earlier, it wasn’t physical or even obvious at first.  Linda choose covert bullying. I think because this suited her sly, two-faced personality. We shared an office with two others, we attended the same meeting once a week and we had the same duties, but we suddenly stopped sharing conversations. Unless someone else was present Linda completely froze me out. When pieces of my work started disappearing I didn’t say anything, I just put up with it. But after several weeks of covert bullying I confronted her. One morning before we started work I calmly and politely asked Linda if she had a problem with me. Well you could have knocked me down with a feather when she finally answered me.

 Linda was reprimanded for breaching one of our work rules and held me responsible. When I told her, truthfully I had nothing to do with the situation she wouldn’t hear of it, instead, she went to one of our managers and said I abused her and spoke to her in a threatening manner.

Yes, I defended myself but the whole situation took a toll on my mental health.

So how did this all end? I requested unpaid leave to have treatment for my depression, but sadly, my request was denied and I was forced to resign. I think it was far tidier for the people at the top to be rid of someone with a mental illness rather then deal with the reality of bullying. Even though it’s been two years now, I still see people I used to work with and most of them tell me how lucky I am to not have to put up with Linda any more.  I take solace in the fact that I am so much kinder, tolerant and pleasant than Linda. I have more empathy and I’m just a nicer person than she is. I don’t believe it’s enough to simply put up a few anti-bullying posters or say bullying won’t be tolerated, get serious about it. When anyone asks me why I left my last job I reply truthfully, “I was bullied, I confronted the bully and I was forced to resign.” Stand up for your workmates, dob in a bully and support the victim.

Mobile Phone Addicts

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a problem with technology.  It can be educational, time saving, life saving and just plain fun.  What does bother me is seeing the amount of people obsessed with it. My kids and I have been out and about quite a lot these school holidays and I’ve loved every moment of it.  We’ve been out for breakfast, lunch, walks along the beach, walking through the city and taking our furry friend to the dog park. For almost half of these outings I have left my phone at home however, my son always had his on hand but he didn’t use it. 

On one occasion I sat on a bench and watched my girls enjoy themselves in a playground.  Kids were laughing, yelling and socialising while 4 out of 5 parents were glued to their mobile phones.  This isn’t an example of bad parenting and I’m not judging anyone, but as I watched a painful incident unfold, I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe some of us have crossed the line into addiction.  Two young boys were on the swings each one trying to go higher than the other, when a little girl toddled towards them. I called out to her mum but she didn’t hear me so I headed over there…just a tad too late, the inevitable happened. The toddler wandered too close behind one of the swings and was knocked backwards, landing on the ground with a sickening thud.  That got Mum’s attention. 

If you’re thinking it’s none of my business how often people use their phones in public or for what purpose, then you’re right. However, it becomes my business when my children or I are affected by this face to screen behaviour in public, if you are guilty of this and are not paying attention to things because you’re too busy watching or listening to something on a devise, here are a few things to consider and keep in mind. Please use a hands free option on your phone if you’re reversing out of a car space or just put the phone down because the behaviour is dangerous and illegal, if you’re walking through a shopping centre or along a footpath and you must give your attention to your phone because you’re multitasking, then try looking up every now and then to observe your surroundings because people like me have now taken a stand and we’re no longer stepping aside to accommodate your behaviour. 

In closing, I ask that you give this a go....put the device away and be present in the moment; play and engage with your kids and make memories, take that time to perhaps connect with yourself or meditate, watch the sunset or simply allow your brain to ‘switch off’ for an hour or so. Focus your attention on something without a screen and you won’t be missing out on anything that’s truly important. You’ll be tuning in to what’s going on around you and the people you are with, which in the end is what matters and life will become far more rewarding.

Kel xx

Photo Credit: Image by Dana Tentis from Pixabay

Mobile Phone Addicts
"Rumour Has It..."

"Rumour Has It..."

When I was just thirteen years old my friend Michelle and I stood in line at the counter of a clothing store. Little did either of us realise we were about to be taught a very valuable life lesson…

“Did you hear about Stacey?” Michelle asked. “She had to leave school ‘cause she got pregnant so her mum’s sending her down south ‘till the baby’s born.” I can’t recall my response but I know I would have been shocked. Michelle gave me the ins and outs of who the father was and how angry her parents were.  As soon as the woman in front of us made her purchase she turned to Michelle and me and said, “I know who you’re talking about and you need to get your facts right before you spread ridiculous gossip about anyone else.”  This stranger came to the defense of a victim of gossip. She wasn’t loud, she didn’t make a big thing of it, she simply put us in our place, well me at least.  Ever since that day I have refrained from gossiping.  If I don’t hear it first-hand then I don’t want to hear it.

Where am I going with this? Well earlier this week I found that I was the topic of gossip.  Waiting to collect my youngest from outside the school, one of the other mums, let’s call her Cheryl, approached me and asked if I was okay. According to Cheryl, I have been struggling within the throes of severe depression, unable to cope with life and barely functioning.  As she uttered each word, I couldn’t help but notice the level of delight Cheryl took in telling me all about my health.  She was gossiping to me about me!  Cheryl had been waffling on for a minute or so when my child came out and we hugged.                                    

“I don’t know where you get your misinformation but you’d be doing a really awesome thing if you stop listening to and sharing gossip. 

Cheryl wasn’t concerned for my mental health and wellbeing; she was like a kid with a new game who couldn’t wait to show it off. “I’ve got something you don’t have!” or “I know something you don’t know!” Why do we (not everyone) love gossip? What’s the point?  There’s a difference between passing on facts and being a link in the gossip chain.  If you don’t know for sure and you hear it on the grapevine, please, assume it’s untrue.  Cheryl didn’t ask if what she heard about me was factual, she didn’t want to know. I just happened to be the subject of her verbal diarrhoea on that particular day.

So readers, here’s a challenge; the next time someone offers you a seemingly irresistible piece of gossip, say “No thank you! I don’t want to be a link in your gossip chain.”  It may not be easy but I promise you it will be worthwhile.

Kel xx

Hello From Kel!

Hello readers and welcome!

This is quite an exciting adventure for me; one I hope will prove inclusive for many of you. But before we venture too far, I should point out that if you are hoping to read updates on the latest fashion, what's new in haircare or a seemingly endless list of life hacks, this is not the blog for you. Rather, I want to be real and raw. I want to write about things that make me happy, things that make me see red and to share some of my journey through life as a mum of three, a partner and my struggles with mental health. It's easy to be brave and express your emotions behind the safety of a curtain of anonymity, but this is a safe place to do just that.

My goal is to be honest and relatable. There's no point waffling on only about all the positives because life's not like that. I have good days and crappy days just like everyone else but we're all in the same boat. We all have struggles and wins, happy thoughts and sad memories but sometimes we can feel alone and totally isolated and it's a trap many of us get caught in.

I'm interested in human nature, what makes us do the things we do and listening to how some people cope with seemingly impossible situations. I'm also interested in putting myself out there and hopefully reaching someone who may relate to a particular topic.

So readers, let's make a date for next time and get set to enjoy this journey together.

Kel xoxo

Hello From Kel!
Welcome Onboard Kel!

Welcome Onboard Kel!

Welcome to Kel's Korner on Possi Living!

We've decided recently to carve out a space on this site to dedicate it as a place for us to share with you the good, the bad and the ugly truth about life and life challenges through the eyes of a dear friend of ours who we call Kel. We have known Kel for a very long time (as a matter of fact over 20yrs), to us she is a friend that's warm, loving, smart, funny and witty - there has been many belly laughs with Kel. We have learnt over recent years of Kel's inner battles with anxiety and severe depression. It is something she still struggles to understand within herself and even talk about.

We invited Kel to do some writing for us anonymously and despite Kel's reservation and self-doubt, she felt compelled to share her journey so that through her blogs on Kel's Korner you can gain an insight into her world as a woman, a mother & a wife and perhaps identify with your own experiences and personal challenges. Kel will share some of her raw and honest moments in her life and her own battles with anxiety and depression through this blog. 

 

Possi Living Team